When you have two kids that are born really close together, you feel like your beginning stages are never ending. Once you manage to get through the first year with one child, you just begin to go through it again with the next. So whats the problem? It should be a walk in the park for someone whose just been through it right? WRONG!
Children are DIFFERENT. I have to put stress on that word, because with my son and daughter, I have seen that they are worlds apart. As we have gotten through the first two years of being parents, I have constantly heard the sentence “Yash was not this way when he was that age” and whether it was from someone else or myself, I realised each time that the comparison was wrong.
My son has now grown and when people said to me, “Welcome to the terrible two’s” when referring to his age, I smiled and said to them that my son has not given me any crazy trouble as was expected of him at this age. My daughter, is headstrong, stubborn and is totally different from her brother. She has not yet reached the two year mark, and I do worry for when I get there, but she is already moving to the beat of her own melody.
My daughter, is sweet and very adorable but she also very stubborn and naughty. Both the children share quiet the temper, but between them, my son is the easier one to pacify, distract and calm down. She is also very attached to me, which means I cannot disappear from her line of sight for more than 5 minutes and trust me, sometimes 5 minutes is stretching it!
If you’re a stay at home mum like me, with two or more little toddlers, you will know that looking after them on your own the entire day is not a cake walk! Being a mum is a 24/7 job with no breaks (not even for the toilet or a long, luxurious shower) and no holidays (not even mothers’ day!). All I can offer to mums out there is the following advice:
- Accept that it is okay to fail – I mean this in the best way possible, but kids are kids and you might not always get the expected result
- Choose your battles – Decide whats really worth it before starting a crying war
- Remember your children are individuals- What worked with one may not work with the other so you may want to vary your approach
- Do something every day for yourself – Nothing fancy, just take 5 minutes for yourself or have a cup of tea
- Remember to breathe and have patience – When you feel like you are banging your head on a brick wall, stop, breathe and remember PATIENCE is key!
- Give your kids options – Sometimes the best way to get the result you are aiming for is to present the problem to your child in a way that makes them think that they are choosing the outcome. Kids love independance!
- Crying is okay – This is for you, mum, and for the kids. Children will cry when they do not get what they want and that is okay. Go back to my fifth point and relax. It’s okay for you to cry, I’m guessing that even Superman cried. You are NOT a superhuman, even though being a mum is quite equivalent to that. Sometimes a bad day gets the better of you, it is okay to cry.
- Accept that bad days happen – Bad days DO happen, it is okay to feel like you can’t cope and it is okay to admit it too. Sometimes you just need to say “I had a really bad day today because…” and let it go. Talking helps! And if you don’t have anyone to talk to, you can always talk to me! (I really do mean that ladies!!)
- Smile – Smiling will make you feel better and also, make your child feel better about the situation. Remember, to them, you are the sun and when you smile, it’s like the sun shining it’s light on an otherwise dark and scary day
To the mums out there, I salute you for holding it down. I know that it takes a lot of self control, sacrifice and tolerance to get through a hard day. Tap yourself on the back, look in the mirror (if you get time) and say to yourself, “I am a great mum!”, because trust me, you are! There may seem like at times, your head is about to explode due to a crying tantrum or that your tolerance is running at an all time low but in the end, when it all works out and you successfully calm your toddler down and they give you that smile that says “I knew you would make it better”, you will realise that it was all worth it. Being a mother means that you have the strength to love someone for all that they are, acknowledging their good and bad days and still loving them with everything you have.
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Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.