So, my life being as hectic as it is, raised a few eyebrows with my immediate family and my husband decided that it was time to send me to the spa. Great right? Yep, I was so excited. Firstly, because all the strain that I was taking was actually noticed and secondly, because I had never ever been to a spa in all my life. I was super excited. I was also worried, super worried. Who would look after my daughter for the 3 hours that I would be getting pampered at the spa? Would she even stay with anyone? My son was no trouble. He would stay with my husband or my parents happily. Ralee however, always looked for me.
The time arrived for me to go in for my treatment. I had left Ralee a few hours before that with my mother in law and niece. Obviously, she would cling on to my niece once we left and she did. For all the hours that I left Ralee, I worried about her every millisecond of those hours. I was constantly checking my phone, in case I missed a call or a message that signalled for me to go home and be with my baby. Sounds relaxing right?! My mother in law assured me that baby was fine, she was with my niece and that she was going to bath. I was okay. Or so I thought…
I got to the spa, my husband left and I was alone and to myself. Hmm.. me time, that thing that mothers crave oh so often. The moment that he left, I was back to checking my phone (which was extremely hard to do since I was soaking my hands in what felt like heaven!). My mind continuously ran back to my daughter. I received the world’s best text message from my husband assuring me that things were fine with my baby girl and that I should not worry about anything and enjoy my time at the spa. I relaxed.. for all of 5 minutes.
Throughout my treatment, I kept wanting to check my phone and there were times that I even wanted to rush the lady and even times that just wanted to tell her that we should call it a day and that I should go home. I went crazy, not knowing how my little doll was. I couldn’t let go.
It then hit me that I blamed Ralee for having separation anxiety when actually a lot of it was actually my own anxiety. Now maybe you will wonder why I was not so concerned about my son. Truth is, I knew that he would be fine without me because he doesn’t even look for me when he’s with my dad. My daughter is the type of child that would not separate from me in a hurry. Ralee was fine, she was with her dad (who I trust wholeheartedly with her), it was just my anxiety about her that was getting in the way.
She had slept and gotten up when I reached home. She was of course, stuck to my niece but I couldn’t help but notice that accusation in her eyes. It was as if she was telling me that I left her and went away and that she was mad. She didn’t fuss though, she was happy that I was home. She held my hand and pulled me everywhere after that and it made me realise that I would never go for another spa treatment again; even though it was quite heavenly. I also felt guilty. Guilty for spending all those hours away from her. I felt like the world’s worst mother in that moment.
It’s not just that my daughter can’t do without me, it’s that I can’t do without her. Needless to say, there won’t be any spa treatments for me for a long while.
Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.