#WisdomWednesday,  Marriage

#WisdomWednesday – For the victims of domestic violence – I got flowers today

I never took geography or history when I was in school, I could never read so many lines of text in one go but every now and then, we would get sent to the geography teacher’s class for a free period. I always sat in that class and looked up, on the wall behind the teacher’s desk. She had the most powerful poem stuck on that wall. A poem that stayed within my mind for the past 11 years! It is a dedication to all the victims and survivors of domestic violence.

I got flowers today

I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night. He said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he was sorry and didn’t mean the things he said. Because I got flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’ m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death.

If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.

This poem is dedicated to all the victims and survivors of Domestic Violence.

You ask, why didn’t she leave?

I ask, why did he hit?

Author: Paulette Kelly

Many domestic violence victims find it difficult to leave. Now, standing on the outside and peering in at the situation does not mean that you know everything. The following are a few reasons why a domestic violence victim does not leave:

Leaving can be dangerous: The abuser may have threatened to kill them or hurt their child or family member if they leave.

What about the kids? Many survivors are not sure that leaving would be the best for their children (especially if the children are not being abused directly.) Concerns may include: Will my partner win custody of the children? How will I support my kids without my partner’s income? I want my children to have two parents.

Isolation: The victim’s friends and family may not support their leaving, or they may have no one else to turn to.

Cycle of Violence and Hope for ChangeThe cycle of violence has three phases: the honeymoon phase (when everything in the relationship seems lovely), tension building, and violent incident. Many abusive partners become remorseful after inflicting violence, and promise that they will change (beginning the honeymoon phase again). This cycle makes it difficult to break free from an abusive partner.

Lack of Resources: The survivor may not be employed or may not have access to alternate housing, cash or bank accounts.

Social Barriers: 

  • Many female survivors are brought up to believe that they are responsible for making their marriage work, or for keeping the family together.
  • In some cultures, leaving your partner is a disgraceful action.
  • Having a disability: A person with a physical disability is five times more likely than a person without a disability to be abused by a partner, spouse or someone considered to be part of their household.

 

You can find out more about who to reach if you know someone or you are someone that is being abused. Pass these details on and help someone today.

https://www.brandsouthafrica.com/governance/services/get-help-south-africa-abused

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Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.

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