#ThursdayTruths,  Marriage

#ThursdayTruths – Cheating Spouses

Cheating, okay wait, Adultery.. because that is the correct term right? Is said to be one of the main reasons for separations and divorce. The range of excuses from those who cheat range from boredom to just plain old curiosity. Apparently, nearly 1 in 5 married people will cheat on their spouse, with men being more likely to step out than woman. There are no real tell tale warning signs and while you may know that your spouse is cheating, without irrefutable proof they will just deny it continuously, sometimes turning it around on you and calling you crazy and insecure. A few signs that have been noticed include the following:

  • Deleting of messages/chats
  • Always keeping their phones with them during certain hours
  • Having more than one number
  • Recent lack of connection between the couple
  • Unexplained purchases
  • Sudden interest in appearance
  • No attention or too much attention to spouse
  • Working ‘late’ unusually
  • Defensive/Aggression when confronted

Cheating is cheating, whether it was a physical meeting, texting or any other form of communication or means that your spouse knew nothing about.

The dangers of cheating spouses are serious. A very serious danger is that the cheating spouse is putting their partner at a HUGE health risk, with STD’s as a HUGE PROBLEM. Cheating also brings an entirely different atmosphere at home, making it hurtful to one’s mindset and susceptible to depression, anxiety and insecurity. It also is a traumatizing experience once found out, for the children and other family members involved. Cheating breaks apart homes and reputations get ruined.

Many accept the fault as a mistake and attempt to work on the relationship. Here are a few dealbreakers on when NOT to accept your cheating spouse back:

  • When the cheating spouse doesn’t understand how much devastation they have caused or fails to fully comprehend the gravity of what they have done then reconciliation is impossible. This will make it extremely hard for the cheater to do the work that is needed to save the relationship. They’re not really sorry.
  • When the cheating spouse blames everyone and everything else for their actions. Ultimately, it was the cheater’s decision to make the mistakes that they have made. If they cannot take responsibility for their actions, the battle is lost already.
  • The cheater was also the abuser. If the cheater has abused you in any way, just be glad that you got rid of them.
  • If the cheating spouse became pregnant or made someone pregnant or if there is children involved from outside the marriage. There’s clearly never going to be any commitment here. Keep walking my friend.
  • They have done it before. You know that saying, “Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me” . Yep, leave their ass.
  • They wont let you read their texts/ They keep deleting their messages – Clearly they do not want to be transparent because obviously they still have something to hide.
  • Cheaters will generally only confess to you only what you already know. If you are still finding out bits and bobs months or even years later about your cheating spouse’s affairs, don’t even waste your time to reconcile. It’s just going to continue in this manner and having emotional bombs dropped at random will be a traumatizing experience for you.
  • The affair is going on for years. – ‘nuff said.
  • The affair has hurt other family members, not just you – Clearly this person has no regard for family and they never will.
  • The affair was with someone that was close to you – If this person could cheat on you with someone close to you, they clearly have no regard for you and you will never be able to fully trust anyone again.
  • The affair was well known to everyone except you.

If you feel that you or someone you know needs help (even if it’s just emotional support), you can find help at the following link:

https://www.brandsouthafrica.com/governance/services/personal-crisis-help-services

My advice to you if you are a cheater, ‘fess up and save your family and if you’re living with a continual cheater, talk to someone that you can trust and get out of that hole. Leaving may feel like a hard thing to do, but living a life being anxious, upset and hurt is an even harder thing! Life is too short to waste your time on people who are not worth your time!

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Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.

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