Am I losing her? – The true heartbreaks of a mother

As I watch my family go back to sleep after my daughter’s nightly drama, I feel as though there is no need for me there. The three of them are tucked back in bed and there doesn’t seem to be anything missing, their world is complete.Without me.

For the past two years of Ralee’s life, all I have heard is that I have spoiled her. Perhaps that is true, perhaps I did spoil her and perhaps I still do. But Ralee is now a big girl, she does so many things on her own without my help, she can scold and boss you around and she can hit you; boy can she hit you!

Recently, Ralee’s new phase is the tantrum phase. She throws a tantrum for anything and everything and she loves to do it in the middle of the night. Now, I am the one that gets up for her at night, I make her milk and I see to her. She started crying tonight, and I left her to cry after trying many times to speak to her and calm her down. Her father then got up and went to her and she immediately kept quiet, asked for her milk and went to sleep in his arms as though I had been killing her for however long she had been screaming.

When I went to get into bed next to them, I got up again feeling as though there was no place for me. I know that I would have to learn to let go off Ralee, after all she has been stuck to me since birth. Truth is, I feel awful when she rejects me in this way although I give her all my patience. I don’t hit her, I speak to her. I raise my voice sometimes, yes, but I feel bad about it also. I know that she still needs me to be there, it just sucks that she doesn’t choose me sometimes. I guess when your kids start to grow up, you face a lot of heartbreaks on the way. The thing is, we’re always there to comfort our kids, whose going to be there to comfort me?

Morning Update : she woke up looking for me & that mended my heart somewhat.

Although children are naughty and extremely trying sometimes, I don’t think I’m ready for mine to grow up just yet. It feels as though Ralee & Yash were born just yesterday. I remember Yash being too fat to continue carrying so I had to push him in his pram to make him fall asleep. And Ralee? Oh dear Ralee, being born heavy but nimble, nobody wanted to touch her for fear of hurting her. 3 years has passed me by way too fast!

Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.

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