I never smile widely in photos. It will be a rare occasion to catch a selfie of myself, all wide mouthed. I smile, yes, with my mouth closed, because well, my teeth aren’t perfectly straight. It’s strange how such a small thing can stop me from smiling widely, but it does. When I was growing up, it was all about the girl with the flawless, fair skin and perfect smile; sometimes I kinda think it still is about that.
Sometimes shit happens. No seriously, it does. You can’t always be prepared for the things that life throws at you and trust me some day or the other, life is going throw something hectic shit at you. So the only advice that I can give you (and anyone else will too) is to roll with it. I know you’ve heard that saying, roll with the punches, thats exactly what you gotta do!
She knows who she is, she just forgot for a little while
After my bad haircut and house move, I realised that appearance greatly affects self confidence. 6 years ago, I had my hair set, nails painted and even though my sense of style sucked, I was always presentable. Now, I look like something the cat dragged in after finding me amongst debris left behind by a hurricane or some other equally devastating natural disaster.
I never took geography or history when I was in school, I could never read so many lines of text in one go but every now and then, we would get sent to the geography teacher’s class for a free period. I always sat in that class and looked up, on the wall behind the teacher’s desk. She had the most powerful poem stuck on that wall. A poem that stayed within my mind for the past 11 years! It is a dedication to all the victims and survivors of domestic violence.
MEN! It’s true when they say that you can’t live with them and you also can’t live without them ..well, it was true until feminism became a real thing and same sex relationships started trending; then it went downhill for men everywhere. After all, women are now supported globally for doing it for themselves and a women who portrays herself as one that does not need a man is labelled strong and independent. Not that lesbians or bisexuals are any less independent, it’s just that now that it’s not seen as such a taboo, they have come out of the closet and openly admitted to not needing men and are often of the opinion that women are better in a relationship. I would probably believe the women are better part because well, we are after all better at most things and I mean, it must be easier to understand your female partner if you, yourself are female?
Anyway, getting right to it… Today #wednesdayWisdom is all about show and tell in a relationship. You do know that relationships aren’t magic right? You don’t get to tap your wand and make everything perfect with a flick and swish? (Yep, that’s a Harry Potter reference right there!?!). I don’t think that it’s fair to wait for rock bottom to begin to try to repair something. If you see there’s cracks, fill them up before they take over and make the entire thing fall apart.
Although you may be saying ‘I Love You’ a thousand times a day, it may not be as effective because you are saying one thing and doing something else. Here’s a simple example:
Husband to wife: “I love you and want to spend time with you today”
Husband’s phone rings. Annoying friend of husband’s is on the phone describing something NOT IMPORTANT that apparently husband has to be there for.
Husband: “I love you but I’ve got to go. XYZ can’t decide what to cook for supper. I need to help him. “
Poof. He’s out the door. Do you feel like the husband really cared to spend time with the wife? Does he really put her above all? DO you think it was a life and death situation that he had to go back on his word to his wife? DO you think the wife feels special now? You and I both know that you would like to smack the husband upside down in this situation!
You need to enable some SHOW and TELL in your relationship because well, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
Here are 5 tips on how to show or just express the love:
- Praise your spouse HONESTLY
Praise your spouse to their face (because who doesn’t love to hear a few good words now and then??) and also praise your spouse to your friends and family. Don’t just start rambling off any random compliment, think of something true and say it.
- DATE night
Yeah, date night is a MUST. Especially if you’re already a few kids down the road of marriage. You both need this. SOMEONE, please plan and action it.
- Love notes
There’s nothing better than opening your purse or your work bag and BAM, there’s a sweet little note for the day from your other half. It doesn’t have to be some Shakespearean shit; a simple, “Hey honey. You look beautiful. I miss you. Xoxo, your hubby” will suffice.
- Spontaneous Gestures
A surprise every now and then ain’t gonna hurt anyone. Be it a chocolate or some flowers that you stole, a gesture, no matter how small, out of the blue, will put a smile and a warm ring around their heart without a doubt.
- LISTEN & Understand before all else
It is very easy to cut someone off mid sentence and start shouting till the cows come home. Although it is easy, it is not right. Everyone deserves a chance to explain and everyone deserves a listener to understand where they are coming from BEFORE making a judgement and decision.
Those are my 5 tips to see some immediate improvement in your relationship. I do have two bonus tips though, that are JUST FOR THE MEN.
- Catch her off guard, look her in the eye and tell her the truth of your love for her.
- Attempt at least two RANDOM acts of kindness towards your wife every day. This could be simply, washing up after yourself or doing a chore that you know she hates doing.
The above will ensure a happy mood from your other half, which in turn, ensures a happy home.
IF you like this article, share and tag your man. Who knows, he might take this advice! Comment below, if you have any other tips!