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In December 2017, my husband and I were totally amped for the new year. As we all do, we had plans ..not like set in stone plans but just plans for 2018. We began 2018 with a good start, all was going fine and dandy. We had developed a great routine with both our kids, we were all under one roof, my husband even quit smoking after 14 long ass years. I was so proud, I still am proud.

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in #WisdomWednesday, A happy life, Motherhood

#WisdomWednesday – I forgot who I am

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She knows who she is, she just forgot for a little while

After my bad haircut and house move, I realised that appearance greatly affects self confidence. 6 years ago, I had my hair set, nails painted and even though my sense of style sucked, I was always presentable. Now, I look like something the cat dragged in after finding me amongst debris left behind by a hurricane or some other equally devastating natural disaster.

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in #WisdomWednesday, Marriage

#WisdomWednesday – For the victims of domestic violence – I got flowers today

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I never took geography or history when I was in school, I could never read so many lines of text in one go but every now and then, we would get sent to the geography teacher’s class for a free period. I always sat in that class and looked up, on the wall behind the teacher’s desk. She had the most powerful poem stuck on that wall. A poem that stayed within my mind for the past 11 years! It is a dedication to all the victims and survivors of domestic violence.

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in #ThursdayTruths

#ThursdayTruths – The Intended Coincidence

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So for today’s #ThursdayTruths, I’m experiencing some nostalgia around the biggest truth of my life. The biggest truth of my life is that my relationship was a coincidence that was intended to happen! A few days ago, I had a look at some old photos. They were pictures of our proposal, wedding and reception. These images held some of my most treasured memories and then I noticed a pattern. A pattern emerged between the images of the three functions, a pattern that I had not noticed before. My husband was caught looking at me while I wasn’t even looking at him. You remember, when you were younger, there was this quote that was always loved, “The best feeling in the world is when you look up to look at him and he’s already looking at you” (or something like that) . Yeah, this was it. No really. Although I hadn’t noticed it at the time, I did now and suddenly I was thankful. Thankful that I had someone that loved me when I wasn’t trying, someone that had my back always and that in every picture of us, held my hand. Boy, was I lucky!

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in #WisdomWednesday, A happy life, Advice, Marriage

#WisdomWednesday – 5 Relationship Show & Tell Tips

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MEN! It’s true when they say that you can’t live with them and you also can’t live without them ..well, it was true until feminism became a real thing and same sex relationships started trending; then it went downhill for men everywhere. After all, women are now supported globally for doing it for themselves and a women who portrays herself as one that does not need a man is labelled strong and independent. Not that lesbians or bisexuals are any less independent, it’s just that now that it’s not seen as such a taboo, they have come out of the closet and openly admitted to not needing men and are often  of the opinion that women are better in a relationship. I would probably believe the women are better part because well, we are after all better at most things and I mean, it must be easier to understand your female partner if you, yourself are female?

Anyway, getting right to it… Today #wednesdayWisdom is all about show and tell in a relationship. You do know that relationships aren’t magic right? You don’t get to tap your wand and make everything perfect with a flick and swish? (Yep, that’s a Harry Potter reference right there!?!). I don’t think that it’s fair to wait for rock bottom to begin to try to repair something. If you see there’s cracks, fill them up before they take over and make the entire thing fall apart.

Although you may be saying ‘I Love You’ a thousand times a day, it may not be as effective because you are saying one thing and doing something else. Here’s a simple example:

Husband to wife: “I love you and want to spend time with you today”

Husband’s phone rings. Annoying friend of husband’s is on the phone describing something NOT IMPORTANT that apparently husband has to be there for.

Husband: “I love you but I’ve got to go. XYZ can’t decide what to cook for supper. I need to help him. “

Poof. He’s out the door. Do you feel like the husband really cared to spend time with the wife? Does he really put her above all? DO you think it was a life and death situation that he had to go back on his word to his wife? DO you think the wife feels special now? You and I both know that you would like to smack the husband upside down in this situation!

You need to enable some SHOW and TELL in your relationship because well, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

Here are 5 tips on how to show or just express the love:

  1. Praise your spouse HONESTLY

Praise your spouse to their face (because who doesn’t love to hear a few good words now and then??) and also praise your spouse to your friends and family. Don’t just start rambling off any random compliment, think of something true and say it.

  1. DATE night

Yeah, date night is a MUST. Especially if you’re already a few kids down the road of marriage. You both need this. SOMEONE, please plan and action it.

  1. Love notes

There’s nothing better than opening your purse or your work bag and BAM, there’s a sweet little note for the day from your other half. It doesn’t have to be some Shakespearean shit; a simple, “Hey honey. You look beautiful. I miss you. Xoxo, your hubby” will suffice.

  1. Spontaneous Gestures

A surprise every now and then ain’t gonna hurt anyone. Be it a chocolate or some flowers that you stole, a gesture, no matter how small, out of the blue, will put a smile and a warm ring around their heart without a doubt.

  1. LISTEN & Understand before all else

It is very easy to cut someone off mid sentence and start shouting till the cows come home. Although it is easy, it is not right. Everyone deserves a chance to explain and everyone deserves a listener to understand where they are coming from BEFORE making a judgement and decision.

Those are my 5 tips to see some immediate improvement in your relationship. I do have two bonus tips though, that are JUST FOR THE MEN.

  1. Catch her off guard, look her in the eye and tell her the truth of your love for her.
  2. Attempt at least two RANDOM acts of kindness towards your wife every day. This could be simply, washing up after yourself or doing a chore that you know she hates doing.

The above will ensure a happy mood from your other half, which in turn, ensures a happy home.

IF you like this article, share and tag your man. Who knows, he might take this advice! Comment below, if you have any other tips!

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