It’s okay to cry – Dealing with a stubborn toddler
October 1, 2017
Yes, you’re a mother – and the grown up, but sometimes the best thing that you can do for yourself is cry. It is the best thing to just let it all out, have a good cry, feel light and happier. Yes, moms, it’s okay to cry.
Let me tell you a little about my kids. My son, Yash is 2 and a half years at this time. He is naughty (as all kids should be) but he is also well-mannered, caring and very sweet. When I cry, he says mum, don’t cry, he asks me why I am crying (seriously, and as if he could understand the reason!) then he wipes my tears and gives me a kiss. He thereafter tells me, “Love you mum” and asks me, “Okay mum?”. At that very moment, when I am overcome with emotion, I break down and cry a little harder because this act of sweetness is everything that I need at that moment. My son, at his little age, gives me the strength of an army.
My daughter, Ralee is 1 and a half years and she is absolutely gorgeous. She has the sweetest ways and cutest little voice (I’m sure all moms feel this way!). But my daughter, well, she’s different. Her personality is a strong-willed, stubborn little girl. She decides to put a show almost everywhere, she hates to be separated from me – in fact, she sits on top of me even when we’re in the car (I know car seats are the safest, you try telling her that!). The place that’s next to me is never good enough as my Lap. When we’re home, she is always doing something that can cause potential disaster. I am a person, who apparently has a lot of patience (according to others and not me!) but Ralee can test the patience of a Saint! You can forbid her about 999 999 times from doing something but she will do it about 1000 001 times. I do not hit my kids so my only weapon against her, is my voice! I am now a screaming mum. I do not like being a screaming mum, but I have turned into one. My screams now frustrate me more than what she is doing.
After screaming at her multiple times, getting frustrated at her and myself – I finally break down and cry. Yes, I cry – like a baby by the way. I mean I assume that I am an okay mother. I bath my kids, feed them, change them, make them smile when they are unhappy, I look after their wants and needs. I give them extra loving when they are sick. I take care of them before I take care of me. I understand their jumbled up words, knowing exactly what they’re trying to communicate. What am I doing wrong? I spend 24/7 with them and I know their every move and every mood so why am I battling with Ralee?
Ralee throws a tantrum when she doesn’t get what she wants. She throws a tantrum when it’s bedtime and she throws a tantrum if I am out of site for more than 10 seconds. She is attached to me and I know this. It is not a bad thing, but because she is attached to me, she also knows that she can walk all over me! Yes, she being the smallest, always gets someone or the other to say, “leave her, she is a baby” and for fear of Ralee’s tantrums many times, we have to give in to what she wants.
When you’re a mum to a toddler that is this demanding, some days all you can do is cry. I have faith and belief that she will grow though, and that she will get over her clinginess. Maybe then, I will miss it because I am so used to it. Last week, was the kids’ check-up dates – Ralee, of course, threw a tantrum more than once. The nurses all looked shocked (and maybe a little appalled) at Ralee’s behavior. My son, of course, charmed the pants off those women. The nurse that was administering Ralee’s injections said to me, “You must have a lot of tolerance, I take my hat off to you”. It feels nice to hear people say things like this but I wish there wasn’t the need to do so.
I have set a resolution this week – I refuse to be the screaming mom. My new approach is something close to near silence. Well, not actually. I don’t like to be the screaming mom, to combat this, I am going to:
1. Try different and calmer approaches
2. Lower my voice, look her in the eye & try to change her direction
3. Set limits
If you look at articles on the web, they all explain distractions and negotiations and how we should explain to the child that what they’re doing is wrong – I’ve tried this! Trust me, it hasn’t worked on my baby at all!
The point of this little rant post is, when things get tough, it’s okay to cry. When you cry, it means you are strong. You are strong enough to release your emotions through your tears and not by picking a fight with one of the people who are closest to you and especially not by physically abusing your child. Many times, mother’s lash out at their kids because they cannot handle the pressure and frustration of being a mom. There is nothing wrong with these moms, everyone handles the pressure differently and it is NOT easy to raise another human being. We just have to find different coping mechanisms and use them.
Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.