Featured Blog – The Non Adventures of a SAHM – The Mum Blog SA
October 10, 2017
Today’s featured blog is The Non-Adventures of a SAHM by Nadia. Although the name is a mouthful, you’ve got to admit, it’s grabbed your attention hasn’t it? Well, if you stop by like I did, I can guarantee you that you will get lost in the amazing posts by Nadia.
Nadia is the loving mother (How do I know this? It comes through in her writing) of two little girls and a loving wife to her husband. Oh, she’s also the mom of two cats!
The reason that I am featuring Nadia (even though, she meets the standard requirement of being a mum) is also because I just love her blog. Her writing is honest & focused on her personal encounters. Her writing gives us a true representation of what many of us already feel but cannot put into words.
So I said above that she is a loving mother and that it comes through in her writing – This is everywhere! Take this amazing post for example, it takes great courage for a mother to admit when she is having a hard time or made a wrong decision because our society, no matter how far we may have come, critises mothers more than they critise politics.
Have you ever had that moment where everything falls into place? I realised in that split second that I was being a bad mum. In my efforts to get through the day I was missing out on the best parts of the day. Being home with my girls. I had been scolding my toddler for so many little things that in hindsight was just her being a kid. She wasn’t trying to be loud when baby was sleeping, she was just happy to play with me. She didn’t intentionally drop the paint on the floor, she was too engrossed in her painting to notice. So many little things.Yet all the little things had culminated in this moment when my precious child had ran away from me in fear. What the hell was I doing. My three year old was biting her nails and it was probably because of me.
So I stopped. I went to the room where she was crying under the blanket and I apologised. I chatted to her and we played and as kids do she forgave me. But I didn’t forgive myself so easily. It was time for a change. So I changed. I planned my day better so that I could uses baby’s nap times for one on one time. I let her help me cook and bake again so that even when I was busy she felt involved. I listened when she spoke to me. Really listened. I gave her craft activities to keep her busy instead of watching tv. But most importantly I took notice. I stopped using my ‘shouty’ voice and expecting her to be ‘well behaved’ all the time. And the strangest thing is that by calming myself down I somehow got her to calm down.
What about saying goodbye? I am a stay at home mum as well, I spend all day, every day with my kids. But I haven’t had to ‘say goodbye’ yet. This mum loves her daughters and is attached to her daughters. I could say that her world revolves around her family (something that I can totally identify with AGAIN!)
She is her own boss in terms of choosing activities to entertain herself. She is my baby.
Except that she isn’t a baby anymore. Her feet touch my knees when I pick her up. She dresses and undresses herself. She sleeps in her own room and falls asleep on her own. She cuts her own meat and drinks from a mug without a straw. She orders a red cappucino when we have dates and teaches her baby sister how to pet the cat gently. She pretends that she didnt want the last piece of chocolate when she finds out that I ate it. She is a marvellous, gentle, kind, thoughtful, imaginative, creative, caring little girl.
I am looking forward to her starting school. As much as I will miss her I know that she needs this. She needs friends. She needs other kids to play with and a teacher to provide mental stimulation. She may cry on the first few days (not as much as I will) but I know that this big step will be much harder on us as parents. I guess this will always be the case. Raising kids is one long drawn out goodbye (how depressing I know but I’m missing my baby so give me this moment to wallow). You just have to do your best to make sure that when they do leave, they are fully equipped to handle whatever comes their way.
The thing about this blog is that you can almost feel the love this wonderful woman has for her family. I totally admire Nadia for the way in which she writes and for the topics that she chooses to write about. I, personally, have not yet opened up too much of my personal life yet (probably because I don’t want anyone to get offended) and yet while Nadia does not offend anyone on her blog, she does discuss some sensitive topics like menstruation after birth and self-care during pregnancy. I think this is great and quite brave of her.
Check out my email interview with Nadia:
Who were you BEFORE your little girl came along? What did you do professionally etc.
I was a happy and pretty much carefree woman! We were living in Durban back then in our wonderful apartment within walking distance of a massive mall, sea views from our lounge and just two little cats to take care off. I was working in finance for a non-profit Health Economics & HIV/AIDS research unit. The people I worked with were fantastic and even though the work that I did bored me (it’s finance, pretty much the same stuff every month with lots of pressure), I really loved where I worked. I made so many friends from around the world that I still keep in touch with today. My husband and I travelled overseas, we went out with friends every weekend…life was good. But something was missing.
How much of that has changed?
EVERYTHING has changed! Haha! I left work, we moved provinces, no babysitters (we are super protective to the point of paranoia) meant no going out as a couple or with friends. We completely changed our lifestyle. Having our two girls really cemented us as a family unit. We traded our ‘freedom’ for imaginary fights with dragons and bedtime snuggles. Sometimes I try to remember what I did with all my free time because in comparison I had a LOT of me-time before my kiddos. I think I watched too much tv. Ugh! What a waste!
Does your husband read your blog?
Yes, he does now. When I first started he would read my posts but I felt self conscious about him reading it so he stopped. Then I went public with the blog in September so he’s free to read it again. Jarrod is actually the one who pushed me to go public. He’s always my biggest motivator and supporter for anything I want to try. I always think I’m not good enough and he always thinks I’m the best. He’s pretty awesome.
What does he think of it?
Let me go and ask him real quick. His response: “It’s time consuming but I see how it’s given you renewed interest in the world outside of just our family which is fantastic and fascinating to see. It’s great seeing you step out of your comfort zone and has also forced me to step outside of my comfort zone. I’ve always known you would excel at these things but seeing you realise that is great. I love that you are challenging the convention of what defines motherhood and appreciate how it will affect our girls as a role model. In a nutshell, I couldn’t be more proud.”
How does blogging affect your family life?
In terms of time it doesn’t really affect my family life at all. I write when the girls are asleep or when I can’t sleep. I may spend a bit more time on the phone during the day updating Instagram but I try to keep it to a minimum. In other ways it has made me a better mother. After four years of being a stay at home mum, my brain was gathering dust. Now that I have the blog I feel as if my life is fuller. I’m meeting some really interesting people and pushing myself to do stuff thats really not my thing….like talk to strangers or change out of my pjs before 10am. This in turn makes me appreciate my family more instead of taking it all for granted.
Is mom guilt a thing for you?
Ha! I don’t know a single mum who doesn’t bear the weight of mum guilt. It is heavy and it is continuous. I feel guilty when I didn’t hear what my daughter was saying because I was checking Facebook (even though she had literally been speaking to me non-stop for over an hour and I had answered every question) . Or if I don’t have any more naartjies when I know it’s her favourite fruit (even though it’s finished early because she eats 3-4 at a time). Mom guilt sucks but I guess it’s also a sign of how much you love your little ones. The trick is not to let the small things get you down too much. If anyone knows how to do this please drop me a mail because I have no clue.
What is your biggest parenting win & why?
My biggest parenting win is that I know that my girls know they are loved. They feel it both from my words and actions. I know this because my eldest speaks to me about things that worry her. She feels safe. With my youngest I know it because she will stop playing so that she can crawl into my lap for a hug and a snuggle then go back to what she was doing. They are my world.
What were your apprehensions when you decided to move to a new place?
I didn’t really have any to be honest. As long as the four of us are together we could live anywhere in the world and be happy. We moved a lot in the last three years. Durban -> Capetown
Capetown -> Durban
Durban -> Johannesburg
I hate the packing and unpacking but I love moving. I love staying somewhere I have never been before. There’s just so much potential associated with a new beginning.. I hope to move to another country at some point as well. I want to give the girls some exposure to different cultures.
How important is your blog to you & why?
This blog started off as an online diary. Now it has become so much more. It’s something that is just for me. This may not make sense unless you are a stay at home parent but being at home all the time really makes you forget who you were before you had kids. I feel as if I am regaining my personality. I guess this blog has helped me find myself again.
What is your message to other women/mothers out there?
Make the time to do something that fulfils you as a woman and not just as a mother. Remember that you are more than just a mum so don’t neglect the other sides of yourself. You deserve to have your own interests and this will make you a more rounded person and in turn a better role model to your kids. Find something that makes you happy and do it.
If you want to indulge in a place where the love is so over flowing that you just want to go and hug your kids, I suggest you visit Nadia’s blog.
Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.