It sometimes happens that you know someone from a distance and from all that you have heard about them and from the things that you have seen them doing, you begin to think that they are super awesome and you instantly love their ‘personality’.
You converse with them occasionally over the years and your view of them remains the same. Until one day, they do something really crappy and your view of them now changes instantly and you feel that they are awful as a person.
With such situations, feelings of anger and betrayal arise. You want to say something but you don’t because you don’t want them to even know that you were foolish enough to even think that highly of them so your feelings start boiling inside like a pressure cooker waiting to pop.
I’m sure you have been in a situation similar to the one I’ve described. But now just think about it for a second. When you hardly knew the person you began to think the world of them. Yet after YEARS of knowing them, one mishap happens and you begin to think that you were wrong about them all along?
Is that really fair? Is it fair that when you barely knew someone you drew your own assumption at the type of person this was, you knew this person for years and they maintained your thoughts on how amazing they were. One day out of the thousands that you have spent together, they were having a bad day or a bad moment and they snapped, and you’re judging them on that?? Look at it this way, if you’re weighing the odss, its 1 – many, many days/years/months. Clearly 1 is a small number.
And hold on, who told you to draw conclusions? Did the person come up to you and say, ‘hi there, I am a good person. Think the world of me’ ? I really dont think so, so why are you blaming them for not being the person that you thought they were? They never asked you to judge them or to draw your own conclusions.
Have you ever thought about what they are going though? They could be trying to hold their shit together even though everything seems like its bursting from the seams. They could be taking care of a million different things and you probably have no clue. Do you think they really have the time to keeping up facades?
Think about each person that you have experienced this with or even someone that you don’t enjoy the company of. Now think of each point that I’ve mentioned above. Is everyone that was on your list of people still there?
Often when we are angry at a situation, we don’t think logically. We just begin doing random shit that seems to let everyone know that we are angry. Does this help the situation? Noooo ..it just blows things more and more out of proportion and things are said, a few punches exchanged, next thing you know, you are enemies for life.
You see sometimes we cause problems for ourselves by overthinking such things. We were the ones that put pressure on someone to maintain a certain image. We were then disappointed because they slipped up. The problem with this entire situation is the main fact which is, THE OTHER PERSON HAD NO IDEA. The other person had no idea that there was this enormous pressure on them to meet your expectations. I mean, how could they? They never presented themselves to you in such a way.
I know they say that you need to calm down before making any decision so that you can think logically. Of course, I am assuming that this is impossible to apply in every situation. Everyone has that button that when pushed, unleashes some crazy, mad person from within you.
What makes a situation easier is to walk away. It helps. It also doesnt require you to stand there and hear what the other person is saying, and walking away will calm your mind.
Once you calm down, ask yourself the questions above and decide whether its really worth it to fight with this person.
If they still want to fight you can either walk away or beat the crap out of them.
Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.