#1WeekPostPartum feelings – It’s okay to not be okay
January 29, 2019
Ahh, it’s been a week since we got home from the hospital. Yes, I know, I know, I complained a whole lot about pregnancy number 3 just recently but it’s over now. Yep, on the morning of the 19th January 2019, I rushed to the hospital, waited for hours (yes, hours and well, that’s a story for another day!) and then was moved to receive an emergency c-section. At 2.50 pm we heard the cries of a beautiful , chubby cheeked baby girl, baby Myra Gobin. I was not really prepared for birth, even though this was my third time. In fact, I think it’s worse when you’re doing it for the third time because, well, you know exactly what to expect. I had a really bad experience at the hospital that I was at and I received a very bad attitude from the health care professional that was supposed to be providing me with support.
I came home a day early from hospital (Usually c section patients are to stay in hospital for 3 days) and suffered at home in as much comfort that I could manage. After a few days, I began to feel irritated. Although my husband was trying his best to help out and make things as comfortable as he could for me, he was also living a very normal life. Nothing had changed for him except for the fact that now, we had an extra mouth to feed.
For me however, I had stitches, a cut that would probably leave a scar forever, I couldn’t walk, I got random spurts of pain so bad that I had no choice but to medicate myself, I was losing sleep, I was managing three children and the fact that they were getting out of control because I was not able to function at supermom capacity. I was the one that needed help to accomplish the simplest of tasks because I was in a lot of pain, I was also confined to four walls while he could take a care free drive for a breath of fresh air. I felt like no one considered how suffocated I felt, with all this new responsibility.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my children. I’m so excited for baby Myra and she is just amazing. I often sit and look at her and admire her. She is beautiful and I had her in my stomach. She is a miracle to me. But while every one is busy questioning how I will manage with three children, no one is offering me a few minutes to just breathe. No one is saying to me, go, walk on the beach, calm your soul and come back home. I think that this is what every mother needs, a little bit of soul calming after she gives birth. She needs that breathe of fresh air as she leaps into the duties of motherhood.
Let’s face it, even before our children are born, we become mothers. We stay away from whats bad for them, we make sure we don’t let them get hurt while their inside us, we eat and drink what will benefit them, we even follow superstitions, just in case they turn out to be true! This post partum update is not to scare you, it’s to tell you, that it’s okay to not be okay. Having a kid is hard. From the moment that you find out that you are pregnant right up until the time the kids leave home and even after that, motherhood takes over you. While everyone is out to judge you, while everyone happily says “you’re a woman, you were made to do this”, while there is so much pressure to be the perfect mom, let me tell you, you need to give yourself some time too.
The thing is that if you don’t give yourself some time and some space to breathe and if you don’t allow yourself some time out, no one is going to be happy. Post partum depression is a real thing and so are many other emotional issues. You need to be able to save yourself from drowning. The reason we don’t tell anyone about the way we feel is mostly the fear of being judged. I’m here to tell you, screw those that judge you. You need to do what’s best for you. Once you are happy, your family will be happy. Your children won’t remember a messy house or your messy hair, they will remember the times you’ll share. So take care of yourself first, before you take care of the cleaning and watch, once you feel better about yourself, your mood will be brighter and that brightness will shine through your home and in the smiles of your children.
If you feel like you need to talk and are afraid of being judged, feel free to chat to me. You can find me on facebook: @thehappymumsa
Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.