Motherhood

Dear Bad Mom

Dear Bad Mom,

I see you. I see you in the mall, in your car, I even see you on social media; trying so desperately to pretend that everything is okay and that you’ve got your shit together. I know that if anyone so much as suspects that you don’t, then you’re going to be labelled, attacked, gossiped about; sometimes even questioned by those you thought knew you better!

I can’t believe that you’re feeding your child breakfast an hour after he’s supposed to eat. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like a cold breakfast or that your other kid was killing you. It doesn’t matter that you have a baby in the house and you’ve been trying for the past, God knows how long to put the child down so that you can even attempt to make said breakfast. It doesn’t matter that you, yourself, haven’t eaten in a few days. All that matters is that you were an hour late. You should burn in hell!

I can’t believe that you haven’t given your child a bath today or brushed his teeth; as opposed to every other day when he is clean and his teeth are brushed. It doesn’t matter that your eyes can barely stay open because you were up all night. It doesn’t matter that you have such bad aches and pains, that make you cry.

I can’t believe that you smacked your kid. It doesn’t matter that he was about to kill the other one, I can’t believe you did it. Surely, this means you’re abusing your children.

I can’t believe supper was cheese toast. It doesn’t matter that no matter how hard you try to split yourself, you just couldn’t make it to create a gourmet dinner. Surely, you’re starving your kids.

I can’t believe you shouted in public. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing, NEVER. SHOUT. IN. PUBLIC. You must be abusing your child for sure.

I know you remembered the exact dosage of medicine to give to your child and which one to give it to. I know you remembered whose allergic to nuts and whose not. I know you remembered who hates certain foods and who loves them. I know you remembered that your son needed clean clothes today for his soccer game and your daughter needed to make that science project that is due tomorrow. I know that you’ve already made the project, you’re just feigning innocence so that she learns to do it on her own.

I know that you remembered your kid’s birthday and what she wanted as a present, bought the groceries that your family needed and you remembered to get your kid’s their favorite things from the shop.

But how could you forget to separate his jeans from the rest of his clothes? You can’t even remember simple things!

You fed your kids noodles for lunch. It doesn’t matter you starved?? OMG. YOU’RE THE WORLDS WORST MOM.

Its so easy to take a look from the outside and make a judgement. No one knows the pain and suffering that you go through. No one cares that your entire life is a rush. You have no sense of time, no sleep, you don’t even have an appetite anymore. All people assume is that you could not possibly be managing to be a good mother to any of your children. A classic example, is that my son the other day went to my mom’s house and he said to my mom that I never fed him the whole day. But I did feed him. I did feed him breakfast, lunch and supper. I did give him snacks in between. I did give him things to drink. I did see to his every need, as I had done for every other child of mine, ALTOGETHER.

When I told someone about this, (someone who actually mattered!), they asked me if I fed them enough. But I could see the look on their face, as though I’m starving my children. I felt like crap, seriously and then, I started crying. No one sees you trying your best in this life for your children, all they see is what they feel they can do better than you. To tell you the truth, my kids are hungry and thirsty all the time. Their not actually hungry (as any mom with naughty kids would tell you); their thirst and hunger kicks in especially when it’s time to go to bed, clean up or get bored. I do feed them though; at regular intervals.

My kids get to play, have fun, eat, sleep, bath and are kept happy. I do my best. I give them my all. Yet I still feel like a bad mom, why? Why does the judgement in people’s eyes bother me so much? Does anyone else feel this way? I’d love to know.

To all those moms, like me, I see you. You’re doing a great job and screw the judgementals. Nobody knows what its like except for you and me.

Simone Gobin is a 24 year old, it graduate, wife to Avi and mother to Yash & Ralee Gobin. She spends her days being a mother and a wife. She has decided to start a blog as a creative outlet as well as connect with other parents. Her belief is that there is a lot to learn from other parents out there and she welcomes all advice possible.

2 Comments

  • A

    I can’t begin to explain the amount of judgement I receive. People don’t realize how they break you bit by bit, and how a broken you affects the well being of your home. And this hate and torment comes from people like my parents, sisters and husband. It feels like I can do no right in their eyes. There are days when I want to run away to the farthest corner of this earth and melt away. And then I look at my 2 beautiful, perfect babies. They look at me with such unconditional love in their eyes. And then those “fat”, “lazy”, “worthless”, “ungrateful”, “irresponsible” endless list of judgmental words slowly fades into the not so important background, fading into nothingness where it should stay. Because I know me, I know what I sacrifice daily to give my children everything I possibly can. So everyone else who thinks I am a failure can keep thinking it in their own, not so important end of the world. As for me and my kids – we’re happy, we’re healthy,we love each other, and we have each other, for me, that’s the most important factors that matter!

    • Simone

      This is beautiful.. no really, it is.. you’re rjght that people break us bit by bit.. I feel you. But looking at what youve said in the end, about yourself and your kids, tells me that you’re a great mom. The qualities of a good mom are actually very basic.. keep your kids happy, safe & healthy.. & youre a winner.. its the judgements of others that make us feel as though we have to do so much more than that

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